FAMILY ADVENTURES - Chocolate, Caves, Oceans and Trams

Chocolate

Day 2 of our road trip found us at The Margaret River Chocolate Co.  There was a huge selection and I left with a small box of Chocolate Covered Ginger.  A relatively new favourite of mine.

Seraphina was in Heaven and Lucy, well I don't think she knew what to think.

Everywhere she looked there was chocolate!!

As soon as we arrived she was greeted with an Easter egg and was sporting a chocolatey grin quicker than  I could say "Lucy where did you get tha...".  

A brief stop for morning tea and then off we sojourned to the delightful town of Margaret River.

Feeling rather peckish now for some real food, I hunted down a little cafe whose name eludes me at this moment...  don't you hate that!  I remember what I ate though :)  It was a delectable rice and veg curry ball with the most appetising satay sauce.  Yum!  I was happy and satisfied.

We didn't spend too long here, although we could easily have done so.  The street was alive with people and the vibe was contagious.

  

Next stop.. Jewel Cave.  Stalagmite and Stalactite bliss.  This cave is expansive and simply stunning.  I loved the glistening flecks of crystal in the walls, the coolness and humidity in the depths of darkness, the faces and animal spirits in the rock formations and the sacredness of an absolute marvel in nature.

 

There were about 40 people on the tour with us and yet the atmosphere was so still and serenely peaceful.  It wasn't hard to imagine what cave dwelling might be like...

Crystal Baby

From Jewel Cave we traveled through Augusta to the southern most, south western tip of Australia, at Cape Leeuwin.  Here lies the point at which the Southern Ocean and the Indian Ocean meet and the tallest lighthouse on mainland Australia stands.

Cape Leeuwin Lighthouse

Our little Lulu had had just about as much sightseeing for one day as she could possibly handle and wasn't at  all impressed that she was not able to join the tour to traverse the 200 odd steps up the lighthouse to the top.  (You needed to be over 4 to enter the lighthouse).  So to settle and defragment we decided to hang out in the gift shop.  

There was a collection of stuffed animals for sale and Lucy's favourite way to refresh her spirits is to role play with anything and everything.  She is a huge animal lover and so whenever she sees stuffed animals or other toy animals she immediately enters her happy place and recreates a fantastical world of joyful characters amidst an ever changing plot of happiness.  I love watching her play like this and we sat on the floor of the gift shop for over half an hour!!

The rest of the family survived the forcible winds atop the lighthouse and enjoyed the scenic views out across the oceans.  

Our final destination for the day was Manjimup, a good 1 1/2 - 2 hrs drive away from Augusta.  Having already had a big, eventful day, we decided to get moving before the sun began to set upon us.

We had one last stop before arriving in Manjimup.  A cozy little village in the forest called Pemberton.

Here we played amongst the old steam trains and trams.  It always amazes me to see these incredible machines.  A work of art in their construction and design.

So that was day 2 of our holiday.  Another restful sleep before our adventure continues...

Goodnight x

FAMILY ADVENTURES - Busso, Bread and Dunsborough

What day is it?  Oh yeah, it's Thursday.  I love it when you travel and you lose track of the days.  

Steve took some time off work over the Easter break so we decided to take a road trip down south to visit the places we missed on our journey over to the West Coast.

Our first port of call was the buzzing town of Busselton.  We had booked and paid for a tour to experience its refurbished Jetty and Underwater Observatory, which included a novel train ride along the jetty and back.  Unfortunaely, we miscalculated our departure from home and arrived 10 minutes too late.  The train was tooting its horn and just leaving...

Not to worry, we could still collect our tickets and make the journey by foot out to the Observatory and catch up with the rest of the tour upon arrival.  The only thing... we were traveling with two small children and the jetty is 1.8 km long!!!  The staff informed us that a quick paced walk out to the Jetty was around 20 mins.  We figured we'd add an extra 10 mins per little one :)  Despite feeling rushed, it was still a very, pretty walk.

The Observatory was great.  Lots of fish to see.  I loved the feeling of descending under water, with each level showing a different perspective.

The train ride back to the mainland was a highlight.  The views out across Geographe Bay were sublime.

From Busso we headed southish to the funky little town of Dunsborough.  I was keen to relish in the delights of Samudra (a biodynamic cafe), however the rest of the gang voted for a quick bite at the bakery.  An apperitif to the "main meal" which was to be found at the well known and loved Simmo's Icecreamery and Fun Park.

Here we were spoilt for choice and flavour.  I chose a single flavour cone of Mascapone and Fig which was delicious.  The "Apple Pie" and "Pecan Crunch" flavours were also calling me, however I can never finish one flavour let alone a double or triple cone!!  I would have preferred a teaspoon and access to all the flavours so I could just have a little taste of each.  That's not too much to ask is it?

The Fun Park consisted of an open playground with spots to sit and watch the kids play.  There was a resident ice-cream eating emu.. ??? and a variety of outdoor games to play, including put put golf.

Our trip home included a short detour to the Yalingup Woodfired Bakery..  Stoneground, Organic and hand crafted.  I love these breads.  If you do find this place, don't expect a tourist attraction.  The bread is all laid out on a table with a bowl that you put your money in.  I could hear the bakers talking amongst themselves as they worked their magic but there was no one to be seen.  Bread selected, money in the bowl.. couldn't be simpler.  Reminded me of how much I love to bake bread for my family.

That was officially the first day of our road trip.  However, being peak season and being so close to home, we opted to spend the night in our own beds.  A good nights sleep in preparation for a jam packed day to come.

To be continued...

METAPHYSICAL MOMENTS - Looking In The Right Direction

On Sunday I woke with a very sore and sorry problem.  My left ear was almost touching my shoulder and my chin was pointing to my toes.  It was not pretty and felt extremely Quazimodo like.  I could not move or lift my head to look forward, let alone turn it to the right.  I was impressed initially that I could very comfortably rotate to the left and see the back of my right leg... Almost felt like I was going to do a full 180 degree owl spin.. The novelty soon wore off though as the slightest movement caused the most intense pain.

I have had neck stiffness before but today was very different and a lot more troublesome.  There was no explaining the physical cause of the issue.  I know that I am usually falling asleep twisted between two little treasures, with an arm around each, but I have never experienced quite a misalignment as this.

Sunday was spent on my back resting with some deep breathing and light restorative yoga poses.  By the end of the day I could look forward, however the pain was still present which prevented me from lifting, or bending to pick up things.  I could also only turn my body to the left, which family members found thoroughly amusing.  I'm sure at times I looked like a  fanatical dog chasing my tail :D  I managed to sleep that night and woke Monday to a similar situation, albeit not so extreme.

Physically, the muscles of my back mid section, particularly my right side, were contracting and therefore pulling at my spine.  The muscles of my upper left section were trying to counteract this by also pulling at the spine and hence tightening and shortening the muscles of my neck, forcing my head to point down.  This in turn created the right side of my neck to stretch beyond it's natural capacity and therefore create the pain I was experiencing.

 

The body never ceases to amaze me.. always trying to maintain equilibrium.

 

 

So that was what was going on for me physically.  What I really wanted to know was, metaphysically, what is my body trying to tell me?  What is the hidden message in all of this??

Having studied Metaphysics I understood that there was a direct link to why my body was "stuck" in this pose.  I knew that the only way I would find the answer to my question was to completely tune in to my body and "see" what was happening on a subtle level.

 Metaphysically, the neck allows you to look in all directions.  It gives you the opportunity to see the truth in a situation.  If we choose to be inflexible about a particular issue in our lives, we can pretty much guarantee we will be blessed with neck stiffness. 

With deep relaxation and meditation I delved a little deeper....

I found myself thinking about a handful of resolutions I made at the beginning of the year.

*  I will play more and work less.

*  I will live in the present moment more and leave the future details of my life to evolve naturally.

*  I will allow myself to be more available to the children and their needs.

*  I will whinge less about what I don't have and embrace more of what I do have.

*  I will spend more time doing things that make me happy...

There seems to be a lot of the word "more" in these statements...  I try not to be too hard on myself and understand that being Human has it's weaknesses.  It's natural to slip up occasionally xx

However, it is true that my life in Queensland was slightly unbalanced, so the main objective for these goals was to tip the scales in favour of all that is wholesome and nurturing to me.

I recognise now that my eyes were not being directed to my toes, but to my heart.  I was being reminded to bring my focus back to my loving self.

To stop looking back to rest in past sufferings and to stop looking outward and beyond in order to reconnect with my goals.

The answers lie within.. always <3

So as I type this today, I can turn my head in all directions.  There is still a little pain as my body works hard to return to it's natural position.  I will continue to rest and enjoy some restorative yoga but the rest of today will be spent dancing with fairies and crafting gifts for friends.

I shall bless you with insight and inspiration and a full turning circle of awareness :D

Much Love

Angel xx

SPACE to SOW and GROW - Low Limit Learning

Ok, so here's my first official post on our unschooling days and I am actually finding it a lot more challenging to write than I thought.

Partly because I imagined I would sit here, bursting with memories as I sat and reflected on our weekly activities, effortlessly articulating the wonderful things we got up to.. and the other part due to staying up to the wee hours of this morning, YouTubing with my big kids and crocheting a gift for a friend.

 One made, One to go :)

It was raining this morning, so with 4 1/2 hrs sleep under my belt, I drove Steve up the road to meet the bus and returned back home for a cuddle with the little one.  I'm a tad tired..  Can't blame the baby for this one!  It was all me and my desire to stay in the moment, enjoying my children and my handiwork <3  That's Unschooling right there!!

Children and adults alike are often shorthanded for time and space. With school, work or household commitments, it isn't always possible to sit uninterrupted for any extended period of time, completely engrossed in a subject or hobby to the absolute point of saturation.  I am grateful that this life of ours is supportive in that aspect.  There are no set curriculum and no time frames.  Sure, we still have "work" that we need to do to ensure a happy, relaxing atmosphere at home, but for the most part we are free to come and go as we please with our various pursuits and interests.

There aren't many, but two limitations for us at the moment are...  1.  Wade and I share a computer (which I am cool with, not so much Wade) and 2.  At times I need to drag the kids away from what they are doing to come and run errands with me.. Usually everybody is ok with this though sometimes, understandably, they are annoyed that they have to stop right in the middle of whatever it is they are doing.  I try not to interfere with their "business" to maintain the integrity of their creative flow, so mostly I time our outings when there is a natural break in the day.

So what have the big kids been up to this week?  Here's a snippet...

Lani's scarf she's working on

 

Wade's amazing Smurf Movies

Ipods, Hair and "the host".. What else is there :D

MATHOMAT Artwork

A Common View

Wade's Lego Spacecraft

 













It has never been my intention to record every little thing my children "learn" or do.  That would be way too exhausting and quite frankly, would take the fun out of actually LIVING.

Some words to ponder on...

Do I assess my children to see if they are up to speed with every other child their age?
Absolutely not.  Why would I encourage them to be like every other child their age?  We are all different and that's what makes the World so interesting. 

Why do I let my kids choose how they spend their time?

Because it is THEIR time :) 

 

How do I know my children are learning? 

Because they are ALIVE!!

Thankyou for your lovely comments people.  I appreciate them all so much.

Love and Sprinkles

Angel xx

IN THE RAW - Linkeroos

For those that do not know her, today I just have to introduce you to a dear friend and fellow unschooling mama, the divine Miss Holly Blossom!

Her new blog is a delightful read and her recent post has got my taste buds a shimmying.  A Raw Food devotee and so much more, Holly has provided some insightful info on the Art of Raw Food and ended with a recipe for the most scrumptious Raw Chocolate Cheezecake.

You can find her here at

http://whollyraw-livinglifeunlimited.blogspot.com/.

Peace <3

IN THE RAW - Raising our Nutritional Vibration

Those who know me well know I am a lover of quality food.  I am particularly in love with Raw Foods.. Salads, Desserts, Smoothies, Pizza....  YUM!  You can literally feel the food nourishing every inch of you when you eat these foods.  They are always packed full of nutrients and prepared with a hearty dose of love and peaceful intention.

The kids and I will be heading on up to a fresh new "Raw" cafe this weekend.  I can hardly contain myself!!  We are meeting some unschooly friends up there for lunch and I am beside myself with anticipation, imagining what delicacies will be on offer.  The kids will most likely opt for smoothies, desserts, that sort of thing, but I am hoping to try a few things that I have not yet prepared here at home. 

Having packed my old van full of "stuff" and transported it over from Qld, I have recently reunited with my dehydrator.  I was disappointed in leaving it behind as I was just starting to experiment with a few different recipes.  I am so keen to get back into the swing of using it again.  I particularly want to perfect making wraps for salad rolls.. that sort of thing.

Raw Mango "Cheese" Cake

I have to admit.. I am very partial to Raw Desserts.  Perhaps because they are soooo easy to prepare and taste exquisite.  Every one loves them.  They usually consist of a nut and date base with a blended nut and frozen fruit topping.  The wonderful thing about Raw Desserts is that they are actually very good for you.  High in protein and fats (the good fats) and packed with various minerals and vitamins.  We certainly don't limit their intake to after dinner only!!  

Some people are concerned about Fat intake and will often avoid the healthy fats like Avocadoes, Nuts etc. The thing is, our body is designed to eat these beneficial foods and without going into a full blown nutrition debate.. I would like to mention that some life giving minerals, such as Calcium, are very much dependent on our intake of Fats in order to be absorbed by the body.  So, if you are a dairy milk drinker, forget about Skim and Light types, it is essential to only drink pure, raw "Whole" milk.  If available to you, and to be kinder to your body and the Earth, milk harvested from a biodynamic organic farm is especially the way to go. <3

My progression to Raw Foods has been a slow one and I am by know means 100% "Raw".  I would have to say that our family diet is probably closer to the 80/20 mark.. 20 being cooked wholefoods and the occasional take out.  Being the head chef in the kitchen for the past 14 years has been challenging at times to fulfill the needs of everyone in the family.  What is right for me has proven to not be right for others.

I take great pride in preparing nourishing meals for my husband and children and have learned that for everyone to feel happy and satisfied, there needs to be balance and consideration on my part for their personal likes and dislikes.  The decision to be vegetarian, vegan, raw, in my opinion, is a very personal one and I certainly wouldn't like anyone forcing me to eat something I felt was not good for me.

Cherry Toms

My own diet has changed and evolved over the years and this has effected the kinds of foods my children are in to.  It seems they all like lollypops and ice cream though!!

I'm really looking forward to this weekend.  Catching up with some beautiful people and nourishing my body with some awesome, high vibin food!

See you soon guys!
Peace...

Angel x

SPACE to SOW and GROW - In The Beginning...

One of the main reasons I created this blog was to record my family's unschooling adventures in a meaningful and joyful way.  I am naming these posts "Space to Sow and Grow" because I understand that true learning comes from having the freedom to follow your own passions in life.  The space to sow the seeds of that which is important to you and your future and the space to grow unhindered so that you may fully reach your own personal potential. 

I attended school for 12 years and  have both positive and negative memories from the experience.  None, I must add, that have swayed my decision to unschool our family.  It was only having the children themselves, watching them grow, naturally learning every single day without coercion, bribing, or manipulation on my part, that convinced me that it was the right decision for us.

My husband and I had always considered home educating our children and at the time our eldest was due to start school I had just completed a year long course in Massage Therapy.  I was keen to venture out in the big wide world as a self employed mum and the decision to put Lani in school was where we were at at this point in our journeys.  Lani was one of those kids who did well at school.  She had already learned to read before her first day and enjoyed the social interaction with her teachers and friends.  She was especially interested in music, reading, writing and art.  Nothing has changed there :)

Now Wade was a whole different ball game...  The year Lani started year 3, Wade started Preschool.  (Back then Prep was just being introduced to the school system.)  I knew immediately that this was not where he wanted to be and so I toyed with the idea again of homeschooling.  Lani was enjoying school and with my idea of homeschooling being "school at home", albeit with a funky, relevant curriculum, I began to doubt that I would be able to pull off such a huge time consuming feat.  At this point I was in two minds about the whole thing and so began to look for alternative schools.

This year I was pregnant with Seraphina, our third child, and with each pregnancy I grow and evolve a little more.  Seraphina lead me to homebirthing and I also believe it was her pregnancy that started leading me away from conventional schooling and into Steiner education.  Lani and Wade finished their state primary school year in 2005 and the following year spent a beautiful 6 months at the nearest Steiner school.

We loved the music, the art and the community of this school but there was still something luring me back to the idea of having the kids at home with me every day so that we could live and learn together.  (I was always one of those school mums that had to be kicked out of the classroom - especially at Steiner because it was such a healing space to be in.) 

I believed that all of the aspects of Steiner and Waldorf that I so admired, I could provide for the children in our own home.  And so there began our official "homeschooling" journey.  I often questioned why I didn't just homeschool the kids without going to Steiner, but understand now that our experience at Steiner set a precedence for the nurturing and loving learning environment I was yet to establish at home.  I still love Steiner's reverence to nature and all the crafty stuff!

So now we have been out of school for almost 5 years and it didn't take long at all to recognise that an unschooling life was the way to go. Even though at different times and for different reasons I would enter a place of fear and judge myself and my kids that we weren't doing "enough".  Family and strangers all had their negativity to add.  And yet I knew in my heart that we were living an authentic life, learning all the things that were important to us at any given moment and loving and nurturing each other along the way.

Life is too short to be learning a broad range of things that are of no interest to you, when you could be learning every little detail about that which makes your heart sing!! We are all individuals with something of great beauty and importance to share with the world.

We need a loving, rich space to remember the seed we planted well before our birth.  For it holds the blueprint of the way we need to grow.  We need to take time to tune in and connect to our own source of Light, so that our paths remain illuminated in all their glory and the pureness of our authenticity may shine out and be an inspiration to others.

We need to show Love and Acceptance always. We need to Trust.
 
Nothing can grow in the shadow of someone else's fear.

<3 <3 <3

DOWN and DIRTY - Cafe del Worms

Lovely Earth

After throwing out the pulpy mash of my green juice today I finally lost the plot.  It has been bugging me each and every day since the middle of December that after every meal I have some form of fruit and vegie scraps, and no chickens or guinea pigs to feed them to.  I noticed it our first day on the road as we traveled over from Queensland.  At every step of the way I kept my eyes peeled for someone who might benefit or want our "rubbish".  We had been collecting our scraps for so long, putting them in the bin just felt criminal.

In Queensland we left a small acreage with a happy, bountiful, permaculture garden.  Round circle beds, mandala style, and chickens who relished our food scraps every day.  I miss sharing our food with our animal friends and I miss giving back to my garden.  And today was the last straw.  I was tired of being an environmental outlaw!

Our Qld Mandala Garden

Baby Peaches & Cream

I'd always wanted to keep some worms but with chickens and guinea pigs I didn't think I would have enough scraps left over to feed them.  We had a large compost heap that consisted mainly of grass clippings and I used this to top up the beds when they needed it.  The chooks did most of our composting, renewing the soil with all their lovely nitrogen filled deposits.  They would scratch about merrily during the day, continuously turning the soil and planted the leftover seeds that we had thrown in from the scraps.  I very rarely planted seeds.  It was fun to watch and wait to see what would sprout up after our lovely girls had moved on to the next bed.

Our life is different over here.  We are in a nice home in suburbia with a small garden bed that runs the length of the back fence and half way down the side fence.  Plenty of space for me to have a go at planting in WA soil. *translate - WA sand ;)*

travelpod.com

The desert literally meets the coast over here.  It is amazing.  While looking for a home to rent we looked at suburbs close to the ocean and it was incredible to see gigantic sand dunes in amongst the houses.  So much sand!!  This part of WA is renowned for it's farming and superb local produce.  Our little back garden however, will need a lot of organic matter (compost) to grow anything.  Even the back yard is a thick layer of top soil over sand.  It is also common in these parts for people to have their entire front yard covered in artificial lawn, which looks a tad bit too Edward Scissorhand like for me.

So today I bit the bullet and welcomed a family of 1000 worms into our home. Well, onto our back patio anyways.  We opted for a "Worm Cafe" farm which we found at Bunnings for under $100.  Fingers crossed these little darlings will be happy in their new home and in the coming months we will have some glorious, rich compost to bless our new garden.  

<3

One woman's Drama is another woman's Karma

Yesterday morning was one of those days that are smooth as silk.  The kids were all chilled, I felt refreshed and the day to day activities were nothing short of sweet bliss.  On days like these I feel confident to venture off and complete the afternoon with a trip to the beach and playground.

My intention was to take some afternoon tea, get the kids settled in play, watch the sun go down over the bay and kick back with a Travel Guide, dreaming of our next family holiday... 

energiafitness.com

 

The water was glistening with a gentle breeze floating up to kiss my cheeks.  The smell of the ocean was interspersed with the heady scent of coconut.  A nearby sunbather was lavishly applying the oil, reawakening memories of our visits to the South Pacific.  And the laughter of the children in their fantasy pirate world was a faint echo in my zen like existence... 

Oh how quickly things can change!!

learner.org

Have you ever had one of those days when life seems too perfect to be true and then all of a sudden, from out of nowhere something picks you up, tips you upside down and shakes any last remaining hope that your life is on the up out of you?  I am exaggerating of course, but at the time I was thinking "wtf's happening!!!"  You see, for the past three months my little family and I have had drama after drama the likes we have never seen.  Without sounding too pessimistic.. Today was another tally mark on the tree...

Seraphina - "Mum, Wade has a nose bleed!!"

Ok.  That's not a first so I was curious why the haste in her voice. I closed my book and walked toward the playground... Yes, Wade did have a nose bleed but he also had a massive Frankinstein like swelling and bruise on his forehead.  "Oh @#$% I thought - why??"  Wade is in his 11th year and was crying publicly so I figured I better get my Mum/Paramedic hat on and fast.  After sitting him down in the shade, my next port of call was to inform Lani (our teenager) who was hiding out in the car reading the latest teen novel by Stephanie Meyer of "Twilight" fame.  In my calm but Mum's serious voice I said..

"Lani, Wade has hit his head and has a nose bleed.  I need you to get out of the car and stay with him and the girls so I can go and get some napkins from the shop.  Lock up the car and bring the keys with you...Please".

Lani - "Yeah, but why do I have to get out of the car?"  In which I ever so gracefully replied..

fashionplate-hungryforstyle.blogspot.com

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!!!"

and I guess that's the main part of the performance she heard as she did get out of the car and she did lock it but.. she also successfully left the keys in the car.. with my handbag.. and my phone.. and our house keys..

I couldn't help but wonder.. for the millionth time.. "Is something trying to tell me something??"  I mean, I understand how one can perceive to be having a run of "bad luck" and I totally get the "Wheel of Life" principles but I couldn't for the life of me shift from this feeling of  doom and gloom and "What have I done to deserve this" mentality.

So during all this faith questioning, I was also in Mum mode, leaving my four children in the playground by the bay, on dusk, while I crossed the busiest road in the city to get to the only place I knew.  And know it well, as we lived there for next to two months in a tent while trying to get a rental property to call home.  It was 6.10pm and I knew they shut religiously at 6pm so I wasn't even sure that there would be anybody to help.. I needed to ring RACQ for road assistance, much to my embarrassment, as it was probably the fourth time since December.  I was also fretting at the thought of asking for help at the van park because we always felt like they were "helping us out" totally disregarding the fact that we were paying them over $400 a week for a patch of grass and hot showers.  Well, it was a nice patch of grass :)  Anyway, there I go again... always worried about what others will think of me.. too scared to ask for help when I need it.  Maybe that is what this post should be about.  My need to recognise that I am worthy of assistance?  Always.. 

ar.wikipedia.org

I managed to get into the office and the lady who was always unpleasant to deal with, still was, but she made the call for me and help was on the way.  **Gosh I really need to wrap this one up I know ;)**

But to completely paint the picture I need to tell you that this particular lady did the wrong thing by us at the end of our stay.  We didn't mind so much at the time because we were just so happy to be out of a tent and into a home.  We let it go..

So, as I waited for the locksmith to come, my children were safe and I contemplated the events of the day.

I came to the conclusion that not everything we experience as misfortune is actually so.  I discovered that my dilemma was an opportunity for someone else to make right of their past actions and for me to forgive and accept help when I needed it.

A very long post..  But I kinda think that's how I roll. :)

Much Love xx

Lovely Little Nannie.. Forever in Bloom

Wednesday saw the passing of a very special lady.  My husband's closest grandparent, in fact the only one he ever really knew.  Nan died peacefully at home after 91 colourful years of life.  She was kind-hearted, sweet, a lover of Elvis and fondly loved by many.  It was not possible for us all to fly over to the East side for the funeral and I was torn with feelings at the prospect of not being there to show my respects.  Apart from the fact that she was always so welcoming to me, I just really, really liked her.  It felt so nurturing to be in her presence.. and I will miss her.

queensland.inetgiant.com.au

I worried that the rest of the family would be disappointed that the children and I did not attend the funeral, perhaps assuming that I didn't consider it a matter of importance.  I also tossed around in my head the idea that the family wouldn't think twice about it as she wasn't my grandmother anyway.  This hurt me more, to think of the latter, as I started doubting my acceptance in the family.  I then started questioning why I loved her so much. Why I felt so sad that I couldn't be there to say goodbye.

As I sat and contemplated on my feelings I recognised they were purely fear based.  One a fear of not pleasing others, and the other a fear of rejection.  When I think about it... this has been a common theme in my life.  Two opposing forces clouding my truth.  So as I sat and thought of Nan, I saw her smiling...  She knew why I wasn't there and she didn't mind.  In fact, she reminded me that she will always be with us in spirit.  It is a hard concept to accept in the midst of grief, when you know you can never again physically hold or see the person you love, and yet personally, this shift in thought eased my sadness.. at least a little.  I am sure the next time I visit her hometown, I will feel the loss again.  It just won't be the same without her.  I feel relieved that she is not hurting anymore.  I feel comfortable knowing that she is always with us and as my husband so beautifully put it.. "She is everywhere now".

To express my emotions I did what I always do.  I wrote a poem.  I felt really connected to Nan in the process and felt like it was my way of saying thank you for being such a loving gift to my life.  The poem was included on the funeral card which was a beautiful, and generous gesture of the family.  I felt like I had given my respects in a formal way after all.

The sweetest bird flew to Heaven today

with Angels by her side.

They carried her up

on the wings of Love

so that she did not cry.

And as she turned and smiled at us

she whispered in their ears.

"Stay with them always

and hold them close

so that they never fear."

And let them know how loved I felt

through all of my time.

And that I felt

truly blessed

having each of them in

My Life

During the funeral, the children and I held our own ceremony for Nan here at home.  Seraphina created a sculpture out of playdough and proclaimed it Nan's new home xx  It was decorated with leftover candles from Lani's recent birthday cake and adorned with a necklace Lani had been wearing since hearing the news of Nan's passing.  It had belonged to Nan and was given to Lani as a gift. So Beautiful xx  We said our goodbyes and blew out the candles, sending our prayers and wishes out to the Ethers.  We will miss you Nan.  You'll always be in our Hearts xx

"Nannie's New Home" - We Love You x